Return of the Idol

I took a spring break from blogging and it turned into a month.  Funny how easy that was.

Anyways, since January I’ve written a good bit about my struggle with pride, selfishness, and idolatry and the progress that God has helped me to have in those areas.  It’s often been slow and sometimes it’s seems as though I backtrack but, regardless, my eyes have been opened to how dangerous and prevalent those things are in my life.

This past week I had the great privilege of being a part of the Church Planter’s Assessment Center here in SC.  I was first introduced to this a year and a half ago when Michelle and I went through one as candidates and now have been able to be an assessor for three of them since then.  I’m actually in the process of becoming a facilitator for these events, which both excites and frightens me.

I am a big fan of the CPAC, partly because of how it helped us, but mostly because of how I’ve seen it work in the lives of others.  I’ve never been a part of any other process that gave the participants so much self-awareness, which I believe to be an invaluable gift.  I can think of few things that I have enjoyed more or that have given me more fulfillment than being a part of this process…..and that’s what made my pride radar go up on Saturday.

Saturday was when it ended and that morning had been incredibly fulfilling.  The last candidates and assessors left around lunch time and Michelle and Will wouldn’t be back at the house until that evening.  My parents live right next to the site of the assessment center and they had left to go out of town so I decided to hang out at their house for a while.  After all, my people quota had been exceeded quite a bit over the 3 previous days.  I was getting ready to go home to meet Michelle and Will, whom I hadn’t seen in 4 days, and this wave of sadness came over me.  It didn’t take me long to sort out where the feelings came from: I didn’t want the assessment center to end.

It had been quite some time since I had done something ministry related that really gave me fulfillment and now the event was over and I was going back to my day in day out life.  Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to be home with my family, but I wasn’t excited to head back to my life apart from that thing that stroked my ego.  Driving home, I had a little pity party and tried to get over myself before I got home.  It was great to be with Michelle and Will, but going to work today at my 8-5 job was harder than normal.

At some point today, though, God allowed me some perspective.  Progress had actually been made.  While I still struggled with that idol of ministry, I was able to recognize it when I put it back on its pedestal.  That may not seem like much, but I take hold of the words of Paul when he said, “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  I love the “ever-increasing” part of that.  It means that God’s way of growing us is a process, a marathon, a long, arduous journey.  Perfect for a plodder like me.